Whose Rules?

What would like to eat?

hints-on-etiquetteLast night, I was the photographer for a pub crawl in my area. We were taking pictures for free to reap the benefits of being an insider with many of the local businesses. One of the bars involved in the pub crawl was also a restaurant. The owner/cook (I can’t call him a chef with what I ate) offered to feed us. I was asked “What do you want?” I’ve eaten at this place two times before. Each time I was dissatisfied. I never really planned on eating there again, but I took advantage of the situation and order what seemed to be the best thing on their short menu. When the cook heard my order, his face changed and he said “Oh, you want the scallops…” You asked what I wanted and I told you.

Later I told my friend of the reactions I saw and he said that’s because there is an etiquette to that situation when someone offers you something for free. Some of you may not agree with me, but I say don’t offer if you don’t mean it. I can understand if I attempted to order 4 meals and keep ordering food. But I ordered one thing, it happen to be the most expensive thing on the menu ($21). Scallops with risotto. The risotto was basically chicken-fried rice. Anyone who has ever had risotto can tell you, if I can see each individual grain, something is terribly wrong. But I digress. I don’t agree with my friend at all that I should have ordered something else like a sandwich. If that was what he was offering, the the questions should have been “Do you want sandwich or something?”

On top of that, we were doing all the businesses a favor by giving them free professional pictures. He should have been happy to cook me whatever I ordered off the menu! But that’s not what happened.

When I woke up and told my roommate, he agreed with me. This made me ask the question: WHERE THE HELL IS THIS DEFINITIVE GUIDE THAT TELLS ME HOW I’M SUPPOSE TO ACT IN THIS SITUATIONS?! My next question then would be, if I’m suppose to act this way, why not just make me slave again? Just rule all my actions and we’ll all have these cookie cutter personalities. Better yet, just reprogram me to follow these rules, this way I don’t have to trained or threatened to do them. Why stop there? Just paint everything gray also! Then we can eliminate lying to each other under the guise of being “polite.” But I digress.

I would consider myself very socially calibrated. I understand how to act in most situations. Some people would do that modest thing and politely refuse the free meal if they were hungry or not. F%&k that! Don’t offer if you don’t mean it!

The “correct” way to do a process

With a lot of the people I interact with, they have the idea that paperwork is suppose to be a certain way. Who says? It’s your private process. In some situations, documents need to be arranged and formatted a specific way, i.e. court, proposals, government documents, etc. Most other documents merely have guidelines, i.e. resume, business letters, notary documents, etc.  Below are some documents that follow no guideline and were effective. Both are real documents. As I keep echoing, THERE ARE NO RULES, ONLY GUIDELINES AND CONSEQUENCES! Enjoy.

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I wrote this document. I made everything up and followed no template. I’ve found that when I put me into my documents and not someone else via a template, the language being used is congruent with who I am. So, if I ever meet face-to-face with someone who has reviewed my documents, the minute I open my mouth, there will be no doubt that I wrote those documents and didn’t use a template from the Internet. I’ve also found these documents to work the best. Maybe it has something to do with having the knowledge to put together a document without the use of a template. How do you think templates are created?

The next document was created by a friend of mine. I’m sure when you read it, it’ll all one big joke. But guess what, it’s all a big game we’re playing. So you’re either going to play or get off the board because if you’re not having fun, you’re not doing it right.


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